The Six Destructive Emotions and how they are all connected

Emotions drive a lot of our behaviour. That's pretty well established. However, it was fascinating to find how the six destructive emotions identified in Hindu scriptures are connected to each other and how Kama is at the root of it all.

As you probably know, Kama means desire and it is next to impossible to lead a life without desires. It is also the root cause of many other emotions. Let me show you how Hindu scriptures connect Kama to the other 5 emotions which can be so destructive.

When desire arises, we seem to be naturally programmed to seek to fulfil it.

However, When Kama is obstructed, Krodha or anger arises.

On the other hand, if Kama is fulfilled, one becomes greedy (Lobha) to have more of it.

When one is constantly triggered either by anger or greed, one becomes excessively attached to that pattern of reacting to desires getting met or not getting met. This is called Moha (excessive attachment/delusion). One loses perspective and does not see things as they really are or discern that there are other ways of viewing and dealing with kama's consequences.

Also, if one is "successful" by being greedy, one becomes proud and intoxicated. This is called Mada (pride or intoxication).

Anger also leads to intoxication. One loses control of oneself and in that sense is intoxicated. Angry persons also disrespect others as an outcome of Mada.

Maatsarya (envy) - Such a person does not want to lose or to have anyone surpass him/her. They always want to win or be the one on top. They want others to look up to them or envy them. That is the way they feel superior to others.This too is the fallout of Mada or pride.

So Kama sets off Krodha and Lobha. When one is in the grip of Krodha or Lobha, one is a victim of Moha. Which leads to Mada and then to Matsarya.

Understanding this connection was very helpful for me so i thought i would share it with all of you too.

As always, i would love to know more about this fascinating subject and to hear your thoughts and comments too.

Use MBTI and Type knowledge to be a more effective Leadership Coach

Coaching, Psychological Type and MBTI – Some Perspectives

Imagine you work for the UN. You are currently posted in the capital of a particularly disturbed country in Africa. In the middle of an important meeting, your security officer rushes in to inform you that there is a bomb threat and you are all to immediately evacuate the building. You look out the window. There are TV crews, army and police personnel all over the place.

What would you do first? 

·         Call your families to let them know everything was all right and not to worry?
·         Immediately go to find the manual on emergencies and the safe evacuation procedures for such a situation?
·         Straightaway step out to the hallway and help direct traffic safely, reassuring those who are in panic?
·         Start discussing the role of 24 hour news channels in giving publicity to such things and thereby encouraging terrorists to manipulate the media, even as you move out of the building in a calm and orderly manner as directed by the security officers?

Whatever your answer, it is quite likely that what you choose to do first would be influenced by your psychological type because type influences your every day choices and behaviour. In fact, my type preference has certainly played a part in how I have chosen to begin this article!

So what is psychological type? What can type tell us about our own patterns of behaviour? How can we use knowledge of type in enabling change in ourselves and in others?

The theory of Psychological Type was developed by Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychologist, to explain normal differences among mentally healthy people. He observed and concluded that differences in behavior result also from people’s inborn tendencies to use their minds in different ways. These he called as ‘Preferences’.

Each of us has a set of preferences from where we get and direct our mental energy, what we focus on, in the information presented to us and how we make decisions.

Based on these preferences, Jung broadly classified people into certain psychological types with reasonably predictable patterns of perceiving and judging the world. In fact, most people are amazed at how accurately type descriptions seem to describe them. 

Little wonder then that type theory is gaining in popularity and appreciation all over the world in general and in the world of coaching in particular. This is largely because it offers an easy to understand and rational explanation for why we behave the way we do.  

The knowledge that all types are normal, valuable and productive can be very liberating. And to know that that there are large numbers of people who see the world through similar lenses can be very reassuring.

It also facilitates a more open acknowledgement of the amazing diversity of approaches among people because type is a powerful tool for shifting perspectives about how we see ourselves and how we relate to others. When used appropriately, the revelations about who we are and how we show up in the world seem limitless.

This is where the Myers Briggs Type Indicator or the ‘MBTI’ comes in. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a self-report questionnaire, designed initially by Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers, to make Carl Gustav Jung's theory of psychological types understandable and useful in everyday life.  It is a tool that enables us to understand our preferences and is arguably the most widely recommended psychometric assessment of choice in executive coaching today.

At the same time, assessments are useful only to the degree they accurately mirror a person's true preferences. Good type practitioners and coaches expect, and are prepared for this outcome and know how to coach clients in a manner that hopefully culminates in an "aha" experience where they discover something new and true about themselves.

How does knowledge of type facilitate coaching?

Perhaps the most important perspective that a coach can offer an individual is that there is no single formula that defines the path to personal success. We have different strengths and weaknesses that are a part of our inherent personality type and we all have different goals and priorities, which means that different activities and attitudes will make us feel good about ourselves. Coaches can help clients understand, accept and work with this knowledge.

Coaches can use type knowledge to support clients to utilize their natural strengths while challenging them to not hide behind their weaknesses. For example, SJs are most comfortable with predictability, stability, standard operating procedures and responsibility. They are likely to face challenges in delegation, strategic thinking or when the environment is in flux and requires speedy response.

SPs are just the opposite. They want spontaneity because they trust their ability to handle whatever comes up. They need the freedom to choose their next course of action. So their challenges are in routines and in ensuring that all the projects that they so enthusiastically kick off reach completion.

NFs on the other hand are constantly searching for identity and meaning and want to make the world a better place by developing the potential in others and in themselves. They need to put in a lot of effort to offer practical ways of executing strategies for change and also when it is necessary to confront others.  

NTs seek to understand the principles on which the world works and focus on strategies that achieve long term goals through competence and knowledge. They can come across as difficult to understand when presenting their rich and complex views of the system and having difficulty with offering empathetic responses when dealing with people in emotionally distressed situations.

Coaches who are aware of these type tendencies are better placed to influence change efforts.

How to communicate with the different Types ?

Coaches can use type knowledge when offering perspectives to their clients.

When working with a coachee who has an ST preference, recognize that they prefer precise, step by step instructions apart from logical, practical reasons for doing something while SFs require all this and also require frequent, friendly interaction and approval. NFs, on the other hand, only want general directions, with the freedom to do things in their own way but again with frequent positive feedback. NTs are most enthusiastic when given a big, complex intellectual problem to solve, with the freedom to work it out on their own.

How to help coachees who are under stress?

The weaknesses associated with any given personality type are often quite apparent to others. Sometimes they overshadow the individual's natural strengths. Such a drastic imbalance is not uncommon, and may be the result of either developmental conditions, high pressure of cultural expectations or continuous and extreme stress. Most people will experience times in their lives during which they are stressed to this point of serious imbalance.

When this happens, coachees appears to be “in the grip” of their inferior function. What this means is that the coachee is under such tremendous internal stress that their less developed, non-preferred functions erupt almost uncontrollably and they lose access to their natural ways of operating. In this state they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. The coach’s ability to offer type relevant ways to de-stress and return to preferred ways of functioning 

would add immeasurably to the effectiveness of the engagement.

Sometimes the challenges are a result of a type's dominant function overtaking the personality to the extent that the other functions become slaves to the dominant function. A personality that has developed with a goal of serving only the dominant function above all other considerations also results in a person who is imbalanced. A coach can call attention to this and in the process, challenge the effectiveness of this over-reliance.

It is natural and healthy that each personality type is ruled by a dominant function, and that the other functions support the ruling function. By definition, a kingdom needs a king in order to exist. However, a kingdom with a well-developed and effective king (the dominant function), who has well-trained and educated advisors (the supporting functions), will thrive more than the kingdom ruled by a domineering or neglectful king who is supported by inexperienced or fearful advisors. Coaches who are familiar with type can call attention to this necessity.

Some Watch Outs for the Coach

In all of this , a word of warning however. As a coach, you need to constantly be aware of your own type preferences and how that influences your approach and the perspectives you offer your own coachees. Your own type preference could either facilitate or disrupt the relationship and the effective progress of your engagement. For example, if you have an SF preference and you are working with a client who has a NT preference, be aware that you are likely to be more supportive and emotionally tuned in and less inclined to intellectually challenge the client. The client on the other hand would welcome a little more interpersonal distance and would prefer someone who can challenge and confront ideas and approaches.

If you have a preference for STJ and you have a client with an SFP preference, your own preference for clarity and closure may influence your approach which may be experienced as very direct, to the point and very uncomfortable for a type that first prefers establishing personal relationships and comfort apart from an open ended exploration without prescriptions, before being ready to be challenged by you.

Psychological Type is a powerful aid in the quest for personal excellence for all of us but it is not the actual solution. It is a model that helps expand our understanding of human nature, helping us and others find, follow or expand on our unique paths.

M. Hariharan

Leadership Coach

Diversity & Inclusion - What are the dimensions we need to think about?

I was recently invited to be a panellist at a NASSCOM event on Diversity & Inclusion in connection with its relevance to the development of a leadership pipeline. 

As I prepared for the event, I realised that there were so many questions it raised because we rarely explore its deeper dimensions. I thought I would share them and invite other perspectives,questions and comments so that we could all reflect on this.

Here are the questions that I grappled with and searched for answers to:

•  What can corporates do to improve both diversity and inclusion in their organisations? What benefits would accrue if they did invest the time, effort and resources to have more diverse and inclusive organisations? 

• Is top leadership ready to commit itself to being held accountable for this or do they see that as HR's job? Can they do this with credibility unless there is adequate diversity at the top?   

• Is diversity really a top of mind topic for Indian organisations? Or is this only the concern of those who have connections with the larger world outside India?

• Why do we make such a big deal about the absence of diversity in corporate India? Is that because corporates do not adequately reflect the rich diversity that exists in our country? Have they at all attempted to do so? Should they, particularly given all the other challenges, priorities and complexities?

• What about inclusion? Why do we talk about diversity and inclusion in the same breath? Does the existence of one necessarily mean the existence of the other? Is it not possible that we have diversity but no inclusion? Or people feeling included, without there being adequate diversity?

• In an increasingly VUCA world , our natural instinct would be to surround ourselves with people like us, not people unlike us! Yet legislation and business compulsions demand diversity and inclusion. How do we resolve these contradictory pulls and pushes in a wholesome manner?  

• People are also the products of the environments they grow up in and the messages and role models they experience. India, for all the progress we have made in so many areas, is still largely a patriarchal and strata conscious society. What memories and experiences do we have, as individuals, about these aspects of living and working together? How does that conditioning affect efforts at the buy-in for diversity and inclusion?

• Can organisations change the conditioning and mind-sets of their employees or the families and communities they come from? Do organisations have a role in changing societal or cultural practices and norms? Should corporates even think about playing a role in society beyond providing income and wealth to their stakeholders?

Unless organisations grapple with these deeper issues, i am of the belief that we will be paying lip service to this need for diversity and inclusion.

How lack of sleep can literally kill you !

How lack of sleep can literally kill you !

Ranjan Das, CEO and MD of SAP Indian subcontinent died after a massive cardiac arrest in Mumbai on 21^st October 2009.

One of the youngest CEOs in India, he was just 42 year old when he died.

He was an active sportsman, a fitness freak and a marathon runner. It was common to see him run on Bandra's Carter Road . Just after Diwali, on 21st Oct, he returned home from his gym after a workout, collapsed with a massive heart attack and died.

Why would an exceptionally active, athletic person succumb to heart attack at 42 years of age? 

Ranjan Das had mentioned that he faced a lot of stress - that is a common element in most of our lives. But we used to think that by being fit, one could conquer the bad effects of stress on our bodies. 

The real reason, which everyone missed was to be found in a small line in the reports -  that he used to make do with 4-5 hours of sleep.

Well-known cardiologists on the subject of 'Heart Disease caused by Lack of Sleep' have distilled the key points below in the hope it will save some of our lives.

Some Excerpts:

1. Short sleep duration ( <5 or 5-6 hours ) increased risk for high BP by
350% to 500% compared to those who slept longer than 6 hours per night.

2. Young people ( 25-49 years of age ) are twice as likely to get high BP
if they sleep less. 

3 Individuals who slept less than 5 hours a night had a 3-fold increased
risk of heart attacks. 

4 Complete and partial lack of sleep increased the blood concentrations of
High sensitivity C-Reactive Protein (hs-cRP), the strongest predictor of heart attacks. Even after getting adequate sleep later, the levels stayed high!!

5. Just one night of sleep loss increases very toxic substances in body
such as Interleukin-6 (IL! -6), Tumour Necrosis Factor-Alpha (TNF-alpha) and C-reactive protein (cRP). They increase risks of many medical conditions, including cancer, arthritis and heart disease.

6. Sleeping for <=5 hours per night leads to 39% increase in heart disease.
Sleeping for <=6 hours per night leads to 18% increase in heart disease.

Ideal Sleep

In brief, sleep is composed of two stages: REM ( Rapid Eye Movement ) and
non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps in physical repair and rebuilding. During the night, you alternate between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.

The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, your pituitary gland releases growth hormones that repair your body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type. 

For us to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is
more important. No wonder when you wake up with an alarm clock after 5-6 hours of sleep, you are mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep). And if you have slept for less than 5 hours, your body is in a complete physical mess ( lack of non-REM sleep ), you are tired throughout the day, moving like a zombie and your immunity is way down.

In conclusion:

Barring stress control, Ranjan Das did everything right: eating proper
food, exercising ( ran marathons! ) and maintaining proper weight. But he missed getting proper and adequate sleep. That was what quite likely killed him.

If you are not getting enough sleep ( 7 hours ), you are playing with fire, even if you have a low stress life! 

PERMISSION TO COACH OR MENTOR ?

PERMISSION TO COACH OR MENTOR ?

While facilitating a session at Chennai on Mentoring some time back, a few of my participants expressed their surprise at the concept of asking for and getting permission to mentor a subordinate. It did not appear as necessary to them. After all, this was for the benefit of the subordinate! Wasn’t that understood? Why was there a need to ask for permission?

As I thought over it, I realized that the idea of asking permission in the Indian context is usually understood as asking for permission only from those in authority or those above us in the hierarchy. So asking for permission from some one who reports into us or is not at our level in the hierarchy seems strange because such people, according to our mental models, do not have either the authority or the power.

This view of asking for permission only from authority figures probably comes from our growing up processes where elders in the family, school, college and some bosses assume that they have the authority to enter or even "intrude" into our space without any need for authorization from us.

This is because the concept of private space and boundaries, and respect for it, is almost non-existent in our culture. The common spaces and boundaries are supposedly more important than private spaces and boundaries and those in authority are assumed to be acting in our best interest and in the interest of the larger community (family/organisation etc.) when they do so. In fact those in authority are probably not even aware that they are breaching boundaries.

So whether it is about our time or our space or decisions or issues in our lives, those in authority have assumed the power to enter that space without any need for permission from the person involved. Such power is granted by cultural norms and assumed as non-negotiable as they have evolved in our society over a long period of time.

Which is probably why parents, teachers, elders and those in authority are accustomed to giving us advice and direction, based on their assessment of our need for it, without even asking our opinion as to whether we need it or not, let alone our permission.Conversely therefore, those younger or those lower down the hierarchy are not given the authority or the credibility to do so. That would be deemed as impudent and discouraged. So role and position largely dictate whether you do or do not need to ask permission.

The whole concept of permission mentoring can only flourish in a culture where private boundaries are respected and therefore permission is required by the person wishing to enter that space, whether such a person is in a position of authority or not.

So the transformation in mental models that is required is about revisiting our notions of authority - Who is authority? What is the extent of their power? And also our notions of boundaries – Who can enter? With permission? Without permission? What areas can they enter? And so on…

That is why there is such a challenge to the notion of permission mentoring.

As the group and I explored this topic further, what we unearthed was another interesting dimension – what if I ask for permission and the person refuses? What do I do in such cases?

Some subordinates tend to rebuff/rebel when dealing with authority and particularly when those in authority give that space and respect. At other times, it could be about credibility – sometimes the manager who has not built up the credibility with the subordinate approaches him/her and could be rebuffed because of the lack of credibility.

Apart from credibility it could also be one of timing – there may be so many other things that the person is grappling with at that instant in time and so may not want to take on some more work.

It could also be an issue of prioritization – the person may recognize that this would be an area they need to work on but they may want to work on something that is more pressing for them.

The group and I were fascinated at all the various aspects this topic touched on. No wonder there was such reluctance and resistance to asking for permission to mentor !

Opportunities for catching biases in daily experiences

My mother approached me the other day with a problem - she could not send messages from her mobile anymore. And she wanted me to sort it out for her.

As a coach, I often advice my clients to ask questions first instead of offering solutions immediately.  So I thought it would be a good idea if I followed my own advice once in a while :)

I asked her if this was a recent problem. Did she remember any particular incident after which she had this problem? Maybe she hadn't paid her bills? Maybe she changed her plan by nodding her head to some offer without realizing what she was doing? Maybe she dropped her phone and that particular key was jammed?

I was thinking about all kinds of possibilities. (Actually my own biases and assumptions about her were popping up but I was not yet seeing them as such)

She said that she was facing this problem ever since my son borrowed it from her for a couple of days when his mobile was under repair.

My son wasn’t around for "interrogation" so I asked her to show me what happened that prevented her from sending messages. She cycled through the menu correctly ( I discovered that I assume that she may not know that) and came to the screen where she could type out her message. When she tried typing out a test message, some garbled text was appearing on the screen.  And she showed me that as proof that she could not send her message.

Ok, so this was a different problem to the one she told me. Her problem was not that she could not send her message. She was getting garbage text on the screen.  I assumed she may have changed the setting on the language option and since I hadn’t been watching her type out her message, I asked her to do so again while I watched what she did. (Another wrong assumption on my part – my mother fiddles around with the settings without understanding what to do!)  

As I watched her type out her message, it was apparent to me that my son had turned on the predictive text option while using it and hadn’t told her about it. This was something my mother knew nothing about. (How can she not know even this?)

So I showed her how this worked and asked her if this was something she would be comfortable using. “No” she said  “I want it the way I am used to.” (How can you be so resistant to something that is so useful?) Anyway, I went into the settings and turned predictive texting off and asked her to try again. This time there was no hitch and she could send her messages again! And she was thrilled that her problem had been fixed.

So her problem was not that she could not send messages. Her problem was that her phone was typing garbage. The other problem she faced was that she didn't know how to fix that. 

My problem was that I had a whole bunch of assumptions and biases that were operating during this whole time and I was not even aware of all that chatter in my head at that time. 

Reflecting on this experience, I realized there was a lot of lessons for me as a coach.

Often, I run with the problem as told to me by the client or the sponsor.  

I don’t ask them to explain to me as to why they think this is a problem. 

I don’t always realize that the presented problem may not be the actual problem. I get pressured by the sponsor to show results so I go with the presented problem.  I don’t catch all the assumptions or biases I am making about the client or my favoured approaches or solutions.

I don’t spend time thinking about how I need to accept the reality that it is ultimately my clients’ challenges and that solutions need to work for them?

Lots to think about and lots of learning….this time thanks to my mother. 

The 36 Tattvas of Saiva Siddhantham

Attended this really interesting introduction to Saivism organised by The Hayagriva Study Circle and conducted by Dr. Sundari Krishnamurthy recently. Was fascinated by the schematic construction of the principles of the universe as seen by Saiva Siddhantham and so am offering here two models of  the schema that i have found on further reading. Also found this brief and lucid explanation of the main points of Saiva Siddhantham here : http://www.skandagurunatha.org/deities/siva/home.asp

Happy exploring for yourself too.